as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
