I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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