hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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