I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
i've created a new STD.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
