some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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