I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Randomize
