there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
