Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
