I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
