dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
