i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
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He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
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Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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