I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
