I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
