.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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