Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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