He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
