i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
