it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
