i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
