Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
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