We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
