Sorry, I don't speak sober.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
