I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm like, not good at living.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
