I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
