you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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