I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
