Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
