Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
