Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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