Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
