I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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