Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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