are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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