So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
