She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
birth control should be required to get into college
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
