Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
