So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
