Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
True strength comes from lack of pants
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
