Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
