Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
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The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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