Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
