I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
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She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
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We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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