addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
