so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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