It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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