I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
