I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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