I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
