I accidentally burped into my bong.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
