I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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