11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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