my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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