I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
