it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
