Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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