Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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