I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
