can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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