do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
