I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
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