I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
