Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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