Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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