im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
