Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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