Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The air taste purple.
Randomize
