Pappa wants mamma naked
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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