what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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