I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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