I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
