I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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