Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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