You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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